Remember When “The Women’s 1999 World Cup Final”


With all that can be said recently with surgery to finding the sideline that lead to a dream job with the NWSL and Boston Breakers organization. I can start with that I have been doing some serious soul searching. Looking for anything to cling on to get me through watching so much and not getting the validation of play.

Today I woke up to Facebook posts that 15 years ago today was a “remember when” that the United States women won the 1999 World Cup and changed the game forever. It had me in over drive with all that has been going through my mind.

I quickly put on some workout gear, grabbed my laptop, iPad, iPhone and was on my way. Each day since I took my so called dream job it has seem to have top priority to the business side and my own personal shape has fallen to quite a low.

It was a perfect summer day, sunny not humid and I found myself in technology tragedy. A virus in my laptop, no space in my smart products so hours and hours spent glued to a screen until I reached success.

I haven’t played since June and like I have mentioned before, if I don’t play at least once a week I am simply not me. I have been beating myself up on my size since it was so obvious. I wasn’t playing futsal with the boys either and not even sure I was welcome.

I finished my technology tragedy minutes before they were to start. I found myself walking that way luckily in tennis shoes and shorts but no soccer specific gear. I was nervous, haven’t played and didn’t even feel good. I actually stopped a block away and almost turned around but began to talk one foot in front of the other.

The over played statement of, ” you never know unless you try” was given a little more truth. The boys were welcoming and the futsal game was on. I don’t recall any fear or worrying just focus on the back of the net.

I found a little of that badly needed validation today. Even though I had some great goals, fast feet against some young college men, there was a moment I actually felt the extra weight of my legs from no excuses to explain.

I was at the Breakers practice yesterday to monitor an interview and while I was, just stared at Heather O’Reilly and her tone physique. I have been overly obsessed with the thought of her tone muscles since. There are just things down deep I can’t explain.

The game was pretty even, only a few goals apart. There was a point where my team mates started to tire and the score line began to grow. I got pretty angry after one goal and just took the ball down the court myself, blew by one guy, pulled a sweet Ronaldo move on another and just saw my sweet spot and buried it in the back of the net.

Everyone just stood still in awe. I just smiled and said, “what you pissed me off”. The reason I really latch onto playing futsal with the boys is for some reason, I play so creative. I get totally in a zone and just play at heights of greatness. I can’t seem to bring that out in myself playing with the ladies. I know one thing, I better figure it out.

After I headed home and took to minute to soak it up and relax. I flipped so far through my channels and wasn’t even sure why but there it was, a listing for World Cup. I wanted to see which reply in was and the info listed was a joyous shock. The legendary 1999 Women’s World Cup at the Rose Bowl for the United States vs China.

As I sit here on my living room floor like a little girl glued to the TV, I try to remember when and where I was. I know how much this team and game impacted me for years to follow but can’t quite seem to place the moment.

That only means one thing, times were not good. So many heartbreaking, opportunity smashing, homeless moments plague my childhood yet I can’t remember. Somehow through it all one of my strengths has been to forget the bad and go forward with the good.

It was classic to see; the quality of the recording, the drowning jerseys, the fact they were wearing scrunchies! The more I watched the passion and style of play the more I became upset knowing what the current game is missing.

This team was pure, full of passion. They went door to door finding the 90,000 plus fans that were in attendance. Of course there was attitude and arrogance, their athletes but it was all channeled in the desire to win. There motto for every minute was, “We care more about the WE than the ME”.

Names like Milbrett, Overbeck, Chastian, Foudy, Liily, Mia. Michelle Akers being diagnosed with chronic fatigue, hydration ivs before and after every game she gave more than any athlete does today. Minutes left in the game she goes down with a 0-0 score she won’t accept. She’s is delirious, can barely see yet digs deep and pull herself up.

At that time there was golden goal and the infamous overtime Kristine Lilly goal line save had me in chills. The two overtime periods come to a close and each and every one of those women realize this is the biggest moment of their lives, penalty kicks in the World Cup final.

As they step into place to take penalties faces are stone cold. None more that goal keeper Brianna Scurry who is up first to defend the United States. China takes the 1-0 lead then it’s the best of the best Mia Hamm who proves she is the greatest of all times and keeps the US level with her converted kick.

Both teams put in the second and it’s one the third round where I now am beginning to “feel” and remember. Scurry guards her line and gives the stare that made cover shots around the globe, SAVE! It was that moment, her passion that again had me crying like I did when I was 18 years old.

Lilly steps up for the fourth, in and China again puts one past to keep them alive. Now here is where many don’t know the history behind this last shot. Brandy Chastian, was cut three times from the national team and each one came back stronger. She had earned her fifth place penalty spot and here is where it gets really interesting. Her right ankle was serious strained and when asked if she wanted to shoot was told it would have to be with her left.

No one knew except for a player determined to win and a team backing her with confidence. Chastian steps up to the spot and gives every struggling soccer player a dream to live for, a World Cup winning story.

At this point I’m just an emotional mess. The tears continue to fall watching my role models celebrate. The sour taste in the back of my throat, the chills begin to overwhelm me as I begin to remember that moment in 1999 and just how it hit me.

The question still lies, was it a fluke or did they change the game and women’s sports forever? It wasn’t just luck, it was their job and one done well. As for changing the game it’s hard to say. We have yet to hoist the trophy since 1999 and have players that claimed to have more talent. The real question should be, “What is missing?”

There has been an Adidas commercial though out this men’s World Cup that has really had me thinking. It ends with a slogan, “make a decision”. I think it’s about time. I am great at many things but I believe it’s time to “make a decision” and become one of the greatest. I say this time and again yet something always seems to get in the way. A respectable excuse it how I like to refer to it. Maybe it’s time to try something new, be honest and ask for help. Work harder than I ever have, make some noise and move to the rhythm of the game.

World Cup Brazil 2014 Highlight


My Heart Bleeds…
I’ve always been a Brazilian soccer fan, shoot I was Pele in the 6th grade for “form of famous faces” in history class.

Although I’m rooting for another to take the title I want to see Brazil in the final. Today has taken two of my favorites for the next round.

Silva you always get love, you didn’t leave Milan we traded you with yet another fav”Ibra. As I’m scrolling through the channels to find replays I see what a true athlete never wishes upon another.

I stumble upon “30 for 30″ featuring the relationship between crime and sport, Columbia. Neymar , my heart bleeds. As I just saw your name come through the news across the bottom of the screen my heart sank.

Silva will return as for you Neymar, you can borrow my motto for the rest of the tournament. ” Impossible is Nothing”. You may find it down deep and just that one day strong.

Remember folks, press makes decisions for you. There may be a chance it’s not what they say. There always is.
There is even a larger chance the beast within an athlete competing at the highest of levels will heal himself.
Stay Tuned…

Player Diary Vol. 13… Beware Bitches

What a great way to start a week; I just left my 4wk post surgery evaluation with my physical therapist and the results shocked them but not me. A piece of me has felt lazy lately but I knew I needed to heal. I could only take so much time off work and my daily hustle so that stress was what I had to consider the slow by steady pace. I am a high level athlete with a need to compete yet my patience has payed off.

Today I was cleared! Cleared to start running this week (thank god), lateral and cutting next and the following week I’m HITTING THE FIELD! This all up to me now. I have to dig deep. I almost cried at work yesterday knowing I am so overly qualified for where I was. The tears almost fell when this amazing match with Liverpool was on and Steven Gerrard showed such emotion. A man in his later playing years proving he is still one of the games greatest. All I could think about was “fuck picking at the banana bread Ang grab a glass of water” win from within! I am a different person lately which is a large part of this surgical plan. It’s time to do it my way but the right way. I find myself open, honest and speaking my mind. My soul is growing and I am moving past the traumatic things is my past that have held me back for so long.

Since last October I have been creating “The Women of Boston” with someone I considered a friend. This business women’s network has really exploded and going to even more. I have created everything this “friend” wanted with her details even though I thought maybe it should be different. We had decided when we started she was the CEO and I was the President. Well after many hours of work on my end I noticed she has lost interest. I asked her twice before she admitted she wanted to do something else. I was so angry. I immediately told her this was bad business on her end and executed all the steps I warned her to take so no one could steal this from us. Guess I am the one walking away with the business, I will now be putting myself first in all aspects of life.

Friday night I felt the urge to tell off my whatever Megale. Yes there was a history there but nothing that has ever surpassed our extremely strong 11 year friendship. Since he fell in love he’s disappeared. He has always been my rock, the man I compare all to, someone I admire. I was pissed he checked out through my surgery may not have even known. Well he always told me to respect myself so if your gonna tell me you love me and disappear, I’m gonna give you a piece of my mind. That I did, I sent a lengthy bitchy text but left it with friends forever. Sure felt good to stand up for myself, not fear expressing emotion and possibly pushing someone away.

Saturday morning at work I noticed her through the window waiting to be seated. Nicole use to be my sister, go to gal, bestie. It was a ruff relationship that is novel worthy so I will sum it up at, did me wrong and so bad that anytime I see her I explode. I rage and yell things to hurt her, embarrass her. I have never acted that way before, she is known to bring that out in me. I approached her table at one point trying to be the bigger person, bring this all to an end. She was what I thought to be nasty only to later find out was it was me misunderstanding. I flipped then called her a bitch right to her face in front of what was clearly a date. After they left I took a deep breath and went out after her to chat. I let it all go. It was like God was giving me the strength to grow. It was intense to hear what she had to say and my good nature felt for her when she poured out how much she cares. I will entertain the thought of being friendly but I could not explain the high I felt from just saying something that needed to be said for over two years.

So I’m not the best person with relationship, shoot I really don’t even have friends and only a brand new family. I have plenty of people to many to be exact in my life but none that I really stick to, spend that special time with it use to be Nicole, her twin sister and the babies. Well last December I met a great Italian guy of course on a Sunday that fate even put me at the event to begin with. We hit it off right away. I wasn’t fully sure what my interest level was but I knew it was nice. We got along likes peas and carrots, were even saying the same thing at the same time. From there it moved very slow but it was fine. Four months later there has been a few times I’ve been over it and upset being he is distant, such a surprise in a man.

We both are very involved in Boston events and both end up working a fashion show at Bond once a month. Every time I see him my anger fades quickly and we just chat it up and always end up being the last people in the place. Although I have put up a huge wall since I actually liked this guy and he hurt me. I noticed that has changed our dynamics. Last night he actually invited me to a restaurant opening and I went to see what the hell is going on! Again I never got around to asking and just enjoyed. When he dropped me off there wasn’t much in our goodbye but by no means bad. It just wasn’t there. When I got up to my apartment my question was again eating at me. I have never made this move but I called him right up and asked, “Am I wasting my time by being interested in you?”. It was rather uncomfortable but I’m over stressing stupid stuff. The reason I like this guy is we are so open and honest. We were able to talk about it and to have done so, I won’t get angry anymore. Who knows where it will head but I can at least say I have a really great guy in my life in some sort of way and for me that’s big to have cared enough about someone new.

So here I am today 4weeks post surgery, different and ready to start the life I am meant to live. I know I am changing, I can feel it. I have concrete evidence to remind me that it’s real. So to leave off this Player Diary I will quote a famous poem that defines me well.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Player Diary Vol 12… Week Two Down Two to Go


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A writers life is never dull nor boring. It always has quite a pace to it so it’s no surprise when they tend to fall off from a blog, journal or “Player Diary” and tune back in with plenty to say.

I believe I left off back in February with volume 11 “Always Trust Your Gut”. How fitting being I am at this moment sitting at my new home away from home Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates. I just had my second post surgery appointment with orthopedics and now I’m just waiting it out to see my PT.

Yep, post surgery was the eye catcher. Shortly after my last angry and honest edition I finally got a doctor to listen to me that I wasn’t having MCL pain but when doing certain polymetric exercises or striking the ball I felt as if my knee was going to collapse. Funny the same guy that gave me the “MCL strain” diagnosis said oh those are classic torn meniscus symptoms. I wanted to curl up and cry.

This all happened one week before the Boston Breakers tryout and days before the New York Flash. I was devastated! The routine with this tear is that it’s “elective” and most athletes get it when it’s convenient for them. Of course when my ortho doctor was explaining all this he mentioned basketball, volleyball or track runners. I’m a damn soccer player! The set backs of this injury are; loss of range in motion, locking up of the knee and being off with everything about an inch or so. Right after the inch or so comment I wanted to leap off the bed and strangle him. I had been outside my mind, depressed, frustrated all from how many posts I had rocketed shots off for the past month.

The past month at mid February is again another eye catcher. I spent weeks tending to a “MCL strain”. Not doing any cutting sprints, no foot speed ladders, not much ball work, no top level training and the kicker (literally) I began to notice mid January my entire left side of my body seemed to be getting weaker. My left side! I’m a southpaw, special, take those WOW how did she do that kind of shots and precise crosses. I had begun to hit an all time physical and mental low.

Somehow that turned into a full spiral and before I knew it just as some of the most important dates I had been putting my everything into, I was broke. About three weeks ago I found myself with, NOTHING! I had spent all my savings, dug into my random old bills I collect and spent. I officially realized it was extremely serious when I dedicated an entire afternoon to counting dimes. Once a week I take my change, separate it and save. It had been building since before Italy. When I returned from Brescia and had to rebuild from nasal surgery I thought then was one of my lowest points. Yet, I never touched that change. I kept trying to amp myself up with; at least I have it or look at what your willing to go through for a goal in life. I was counting the dimes to pay for the rental that would get me to the Breakers tryout. I mean hey, I was able to produce a car.

Through all this I have been forced to take a serious look at how I’m living my life. I came to many conclusions and plans to refocus and move forward. I realized that my lack of patience is a serious issue. It’s normal, who the hell is patient anyways! Everyone wants everything right now. Well I have been pondering at what cost is my patience putting me in a unessessary hole? I can’t even begin to explain what happened or how much unessessary money was spent when I thought a new hair color would help just to end up back at brown. All because, I had to have it now.

So the Saturday morning of March 1st came and I felt those little butterflies life is meant for. That feeling of uncertainty and excitement. I had so many things up against me going into the Boston Breakers tryout but I’m not your average girl! I have a heart of a champion and it was just that which pushed me to pop a numbing amount of Advil and out the door.

When I arrived I knew it was going to be difficult. I have created a respect amongst the staff as a journalist and I could very well get out there and play like shit. The thought of embarrassing yourself in front of colleagues is never fun. I said my hellos put my music up high, game face on and found a spot off on my own to warm up.

During I saw out of the corner of my eye Captain Cat Whitehill spot me. We are friendly through interviews and events yet all that I could think about was how the hell am I going to impress her right now! Shortly after I finish I notice brand new Head Coach Tom Durkin right in front of me. Luckily I think he liked what he saw me up to and shot me a smile.

Once they called the 70 or so of us in they gave then general opening speech and separated us by position. I had been training to say “midfielder” and despite the injury I stepped right in. I was there to give it all I had and copping out on the running by playing forward was no longer something I was going to tolerate.

When just the midfielder section was takin with Coach Durkin it was safe to assume that’s the positions he was looking to fill. We did some more warming up and even that early on I could see I was surrounded by young minds that just happen to have the shape. Soccer players are easily comparable to a fine wine, gets better with age. There are some things you can teach and some you can’t, the great athletes over the centuries just have it.

We began with some foot skill and quick pass and move. I felt good at this point and made some nice plays, I was sure to make them happen right in his eye line of course! We moved to triangle defensive drills and my assumptions about the inexperienced players was confirmed when the coach asked simple midfield responsibilities and the crowd was quite. Clearly I chimed in and it was through that process I really began to like his style of coaching.

This is about the time when I was holding back the tears. My ass ended up in the middle ALWAYS! My knee had given just about all it had at this point not to mention I was getting winded from the low level training I had been forced into. This whole “range of motion” issue was straight being exposed. I should of been doing some sort of a video to explain symptoms. It was two touch so either I was getting picked off by not getting my leg to move fast enough or there was just no power behind anything anymore.

I did my best to keep it together and do what I could. I pray to God because I have faith and know he will always be there to push me through. We were only aloud two touches in this drill mind you. There was one moment that a cross ball had been played in the air through the box. I had taken a controlled first touch off my head and guided the ball in the direction to a teammate where I was able to be vocal and say, ” This is my second touch” as I made the pass and player aware that it was coming. It was one of those perfect glimpses into how great of a player I am. Just after I trapped the ball with my head and turned to make the flawlessly placed pass, I see Coach Durkin standing right next to me watching the entire thing. At that moment God had blessed me with the ability to pivot and play.

We did two drills with the same manor for about 30 minutes tops and from there he already had what he needed. He grouped us again rambled off some numbers and mine wasn’t one. I am no stranger to that feeling but this time it wasn’t strictly my fault. I had put the work in, I was ready until patience got the best of me and I put myself in that unessesary hole.

Both fields of players went into a scrimmage. I was no longer on the field with either of the coaches trying to impress. I didn’t even want to be there anymore. Some of the girls on my side were chatting and laughing while my attitude was just nasty at this point. I don’t know about them but Im wasn’t happy over there. Yet again I pulled what I could together and continued to play. I actually did pretty good and had an amazing shot from the outside of the left midfield that the keeper made a killer save on. Once the circus was over they sat us all down, thanked us called the numbers to return for second session and sent the rest of us on our way.

Now this was what I truly dreaded, the talk. I had to find the courage and strength to approach this coach and sell him on my plan. So I did. I waited for him to be free and asked if he had a minute. He politely agreed and I started my speech. I didn’t expect the genuine attention he gave me. He looked me straight in the eye the entire time and listened to the breakdown of the entire fiasco; my efforts with training, the coaching I already do for them, being an on field reporter, everything! Somewhere in the middle tears stated to fall and I remember rolling my ponytail over and over from nerves.

The end result of what I thought to be a short and sweet speech was to let me heal and by May give me a shot with the reserve squad. His first reply was to explain to me that he had played one coed game in his life. He said it was his first and his last. He continued to say, “Get healthy and come back to see me”. I took that with a smile. He was still around when he saw me chatting with staff from the club and I thought that couldn’t hurt, right.

I felt a little better after that knowing again I had a goal. I happen to have a very productive chat with the communications director as well about some ideas for the season. As of now I have received my Breakers press application and would love to say I’m not filling it out but I will.

So here I am. Moving into a solid and productive two weeks out of surgery. Now it’s time for the real battle. I must listen to my gut, I must stay strong with patience, I must change. There is an old saying, “You don’t know what you got til it’s gone”. I took so many days for granted that were full of training time. This is going to be one of the hardest things I do in life. One of the most challenging. I now have to see what I am made of and do I have what it takes. Stay tuned to see if I stay true to my motto, “Impossible is Nothing” or am I just that good with the words.

Player Diary vol 11… Always Trust Your Gut Ang


I had the most amazing week! From feeling strong, eating right finding myself a new pal on the same path to workout with, gave a little back and right into the fact I got to hit the Boston Breakers faculty for some training.

Yet, God forbid I have a full week of happiness, joy or just simple peace and quite. Here I am one my “day off” at the doctor. I was sure to have “Socially Scene” submitted early, all work aside, training is to rest and I had scheduled in my mind a little Sex in the City marathon on the couch.

My reasoning for being here is that my knee is not getting any better and during futsal yesterday felt like it was about to crumble. I had gone against my gut and player a coed soccer game recently that I knew would bring regret.

I stopped playing coed soccer about two years ago for a few different reasons but mostly for the fact, I hate the flow of the game. You never know what your going to get. There is always some over weight former football or hockey star who thinks his fat ass can “play that gay European sport”. Sorry to burst your bubble boys but soccer players are one of the most conditioned athletes out there.

One thing you can always count on in coed soccer is your typical insecure guy getting out there. They have two very predictable traits that come from, “can’t stand it a girl has more skill”. One, he hogs the ball and generally looses it and the game. Two, so awful that his only defense is to foul the hell out of you in hopes to boost his ego that he just beat up on a girl.

The last thing you can most likely find on a coed soccer team is, “the chic”. The girlfriend of usually a pretty decent guy player who is there only to latch onto her man a little more or just fill the girl quota on the field. She is always a riot to play against. Super slow, no skill and still to this day the worst injury I have ever had!

I was playing in yes a coed league and had burnt this grenade of a girl so bad that by the time she caught up to me, I had blown right past her. So of course her monterous leg had power behind it when she was finally able to swing it and just tore my ankle to pieces. The worst part was when I got up to punch her directly in the face a few times, I couldn’t. It was my fault I took the field in a situation I was far more superior than.

Don’t get me wrong there are teams and leagues out there that have talent and can get a good game out of. Yet more often than not you find at least one of the above listed players in each match and sometimes it’s all you have to work with.

Now having an understanding of coed soccer, off to the point. I know a very reliable caption in the coed circuit who always puts together a quality crew. With all my plans for getting back into professional status I knew I needed field time. I took a chance and reached out to Henry mentioning that I was willing to play.

So of course I get a call and it was a Saturday night during the holidays. I made my way there, a little weary but more excited to get a game in. The team I played with was great and just what I expected from good ol Henry. Even the other team was putting up caliber competition.

Now who would of guessed that it would be someone from my own team that has put me in this lovely position. I had come back to play defense and was covering my player well. I found that perfect moment to make the tackle just outside the box to block his shot.

Well within tenth’s of a second I see my goalkeeper come sliding into me from behind after I had already made the play of course. As any athlete knows those moments are vague at game speed and not much to be remembered. I knew it sucked then but got back up and continued to play.

After the match it was sore and didn’t think much of it at the moment. But now, it has officially hit a point where I’m pissed. After much care,ice,ibuprofen and rehab on my part it’s time I take it to the professionals, so here I sit!

Just my luck that we picked up that player for the night and no one knew who he was. I would love to track him down, break a leg and then give him a few pointers on goal tending. Problem is, this is my fault.

I have been told that I give the very best advice. Why can’t I listen to my own. I quit coed soccer for plenty of valid reasons and then my impatience got the best of me. So here I sit, upset, scared, alone all because I didn’t trust my gut.

I am at 25 days and counting and will just in time pull this off with my shape also speed. I am full of intelligence and my advice is key but why the hell can’t I listen to myself. I stepped onto that pitch knowing better and right now would give any things for the courage to nose dive right off the Tobin Bridge but… I won’t.

No matter how messy things get, how hurt my heart, tired my body and being told time and again I’m crazy for trying, I just won’t. This strength inside is nothing more than a curse more often than not. I will never give up, I don’t understand just dreaming and not doing and will not be surprised if at my funeral someone says, “Here lies Angela she lived by her motto “Impossible is Nothing”, always gave it a shot and she sure died trying again, again and again”.

So as much as I want to run out of here with whatever result, grab a few dirty martini’s, bottle of vino and greasy Chinese, I won’t. I will take the doctors orders, smarten up, trust my gut, do what I can and keep on fighting to the top.

Player Diary Vol 10… 33 Days and Counting

I’ve been constantly thinking about a conversation I had recently with a fellow about being passive aggressive. I admitted it then it was a quality I use to harbor and something we both discussed to be unhealthy. The more I kept thinking about our chat I began applying it to how I was acting.

I have been aggravated with a current client in my communications business. We had discussed a working contract and it just hasn’t been as professional as I hoped. I can’t fully point blame being they were helping me grow yet just so old school in not understanding the marketing industry.

The work was taking up prime training time in a day. More or less when the sun might have peeked out and gave us an above freezing temperature. I can deal with holding in feelings for years, I’m italian! This past week I happen to say my frustrations out loud and realized what was truly bugging me.

It was the fact none of this matters. It is all so silly, sitting in front of a computer to build someone else’s business. Sure I’m great at it and one day I plan to take my experience and build my own. Money is a funny thing and the average person with no passion puts such importance on it. I sometimes forget I have done so much with never really having anything. I am at the most secure point I have ever been. Yet those whispers to “be average” sink in every once in awhile.

I have always had plenty of people running from confusion, frustration within their selves or just jealousy that “crazy Ang” is at it again. I have to remind myself those whispers are just that and the voices inside my head are true to my gifts. So, I took the chance and said what I needed to, let the client go and made the decision to focus right here and now.

Since the holidays began I have been off and on with consistent training but the past few days have been strict and to the t with the routine that has been put together for me. I left that meeting with the client and took straight to a workout. Ever since I have felt an amazing weight off my shoulders and strong sense of power.

The decision already produced results today. My futsal game was great! I haven’t played my best and it’s been bugging even more so worrying me. I have had a better core over all but right now I am expecting so much from myself, it’s time to do so. With the past few days of intesse training , I played a whole lot better. Had a “Sports Center” goal from a corner kick where the ball was chipped to me, I took one touch for the trap and one with my other foot for the point. Thanks coach Vic, we have been working on that.

It’s crazy what can happen when you love and take care of yourself. That wasn’t always a luxury that started early on in my childhood. With all this realization I have recently found peace with my parents. How can I still have so much hurt from people I don’t even know. So I have decided to accept I’m not normal and instead extraordinarily special. I can’t walk amongst you like a normal civilian. I have decided to become friends with the voices inside of my head.

There are 33 days and counting from here, I want and will demand a new life. I have always feared pushing past my breaking point scared to know it’s just me, I have to survive. Well I broke that barrier recently and feel different every day. I will take what I want with whatever it takes and never fear “what if”. Somehow, someway with all that I have gone through I seem to survive with style and swagger.

Player Diary Vol…. 9 Resolutions Realized


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Here I am two months from today to go. Training has been going really well but the holidays are always tuff, I’m italian! I eat, drink and indulge.

Today took some talking to myself but now being in a position of having it all mapped out, I had to “just get off my ass”. Boston I love you but DAMN it is cold! Once I got warmed up and found a good flow, it was just what I needed. My foot speed, quick. My reaction, quick. My touch, clean. After some ball work I went for a run which seemed insane and maybe it was as I noticed all the strange stares from the bundled up couples on the street. At least at my gym I was alone.

One reason why I know I’m single, I am insane. You can’t get me to trade in the high of feeling the strength in my frozen muscles that near the end were able to pick up the pace. Insane to me; the ones on the sides glaring at me instead of perusing what puts a smile on their face.

I have had a few resolutions realized in the past week or so and a main one kept me at home last night. Well, Socially Scene made it to the midnight fireworks to do a little coverage of course. Not that anyone ever gets me to begin with but I spent yesterday pulling down the tree, enjoying some vino and Sinatra mixed with Beethoven while cleaning up the mess of the last month to get this year started, organized! There is also business on the brain, I want it all in 2014!

I recently told my Dad about how all is well. It felt good truly meaning it. Somewhere along the way I mentioned how I’m doing my own thing just like I always have and enjoy my own company, alone. “You think Im crazy, well that’s not fair”. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that’s pretty normal when you were abandoned by both parents at 11. Hey, so I failed to mention it. Since what’s the point, I made it through and with admirers along that way. Which brings me to another one my resolutions; I will do my best to enjoy others company even though I sure love hanging with just me.

I know it’s been a bit, September to be exact and all that has been accomplished along the way will have me filling in the blanks for awhile. My holidays were fab, alone at points yet others filled with family, the introduction of Coach Vic, my best friend bowing out from jealousy, the calming in my soul to just be me, my first fashion show, Cornacchio Communications taking flight and so much more. But, the focus is the field and all the pieces are in place so follow this journey over the next two months and see what it takes to accomplish greatness.

I won’t let this bitter beat me down! I will dig deep, pray hard, train true and dig through the damn snow if I have to. My legs are strong, I have help in my corner and this clarity that it can all come true…. A feeling that just can’t be described.

Stay tuned, I will publish each Sunday.

Player Diary vol 8… Eye of the Tiger


Today I made the commitment; to play, play well and be true to my training.

All to often my Sunday team Opas is shorthanded and today was no different. We had nine players and no keeper. I said to a fellow player Kathy, ” I’m beginning to get use to this relay race I play up top.” It’s just me back and fourth, back and fourth. Funny thing I’m a stronger attacking midfielder but hey, I put the ball in the back of the net so.

I was getting frustrated with a new player from London on our team. I get that Europe has a strong focus on tactical play but if you hold the ball to damn long and loose it, not a good look. I’m a smart soccer player; I find space, create space. I’m unselfish enjoy the one two game.

I recall standing in front of an opposing player about to throw the ball inbounds and thought to myself, “I’m gonna do this, I am a soccer player”. I felt it, I knew and believed it was the truth.

I was playing well for the current shape I am in. I got a great (simple pass I was looking for the whole damn game) and chipped it past the defender. I took off down the right side of the pitch and got a touch or two in before she caught back up and just dozed into me. I got pissed and muscled her off of me and touched it past her just outside the box. She bitched looking for the call, well so I heard since she was behind me. I took one touch and ripped one hell of a shot. I was practically diagonal and an impossible angle yet that’s much speciality! It sailed right over the keepers fingertips and slid so sexy down the backside of the net.

My coach, teammates and fans ate it up being it would of definitely made Sports Center top ten. Julie came over to me and said, ” I knew you had that. I could see it in your eyes”. She is a very talented player and the fact she saw that makes me know what quality she truly is.

It’s been a few years since I’ve had that kind of moment. I have always had coaches rely on that look being they could ask for it and receive. I knew myself, I felt the adrenaline the focus. I committed just before that play and with it can justify the journey I am about to take.

I will become a professional soccer player shortly. I will have it all! I will take the impossible angle and make it a sweet play. So hop on haters and enjoy the ride.

Player Diary Dreams


Player Diary Dreams…

Every time major change is taking place in life my dreams seem to go to the same places.

I have been so burnt out recently; over worked, over feasted, too far behind, out of shape and taking it to the limit to get back in. My sleep schedule has been awful but catching up I am.

Last night I passed right out being I could barely move from the soreness of my 1st strength training session that was all tests so… As a real athlete would pushed myself until I saw spots.

For whatever reason some obvious, I always dream of South Dakota or Sitka when I am making life decisions.

There has been only one other where I dreamt of him. I was caring to much recently so I have let go through the advice from the bestest of friend. I’m sure this nightmare stemmed from his current battle with bone cancer.

I was in such deep sleep that I don’t recall much of the 1st dream that clearly took place in Alaska.

I was in a skiff boat with two others, not sure who. A huge wave was towering over us as if to crash down on the boat with no hope of survival. I remember having such strong faith that I would make it through. In the blink of an eye literally we were on top of the wave and gliding with it.

Story of my life, maybe the moral of that one is to stop worrying and just relax. I always seem to pull through.

Just after was the kind of dream I never have. They are usually filled with green grass , current thoughts or great ideas. I guess a nightmare haunts us all from time to time.

I realized the room I was in after I woke; a spare bedroom I stayed in for a short time in his 3rd wives house. In the dream I felt scared from the beginning since I wasn’t sure where I was.

I knew someone was just on the other side of the open door, someone looking to attack me. I knew I had to get out. So I went for it and swung my leg around the doorway in hopes to kick this anonymous terror in the face and hope to escape.

This tale doesn’t have the same happy ending. Instantly again in the blink of an eye I was beaten bloody. I was laying in the hall way with this vicious man leaning over me. I could literally feel the hatred and evil pouring out of him as he leans in, making sure I don’t take a breath and his mission accomplished with my death.

The last of the dream I recall was excruciating pain. If anything I had one breathe left as I felt death crawling closer yet I was focusing on holding it as I refused to go. There I lay with him; my father towering over me so still, quite and pleased.

I woke up from the fear; the fear of the evil I felt, fear of the demon in my dream, fear of taking that breathe to prove I was still alive and knowing if I had he would of beaten me until dead.