I’m sitting in a local café after quite the controversial day and searching my mind for answers.
I finally got some touches on the ball with two weeks passed but that was 50/50. I battled myself the whole time hating that the Breakers are playing at home tonight and I won’t be there. My press pass welcomes me in the gates but writing just isn’t enough.
Shortly after, I run into someone I wished to never see again and then headed into the restaurant I work at in hopes to finish a great conversation with the owner yet that went sour.
I have been pushing myself all day to keep going, stay strong and I was doing well until… He came along. One of the guys I play futsal with walked by and I called him in to join me. Big mistake, he was on the way to practice with his men’s team, seeing him in all ADIDAS gear made me just lose it.
Our futsal season finished a few weeks back so I haven’t played being I refuse to entertain the idea of coed or any crap not worth my time. Not to mention, I’m burnt out. I did the math, somehow I have six jobs and still battling bills.
I’m dying I need a game, a goal something to bring me back to sanity. I’ve put on weight; I see my soccer ball so sad all alone in the corner not played with freaks me out!
After many years of getting to know myself I have concrete evidence of one thing, I am one unhappy bitch if I am not playing on a consistent basis.
Does anyone have the answers to how I make this work? I’m clearly doing something wrong! Yes, it’s just me with only myself for mental and financial support but I just keep wondering, “How do I make this happen”?
I stand out with soccer and writing and they both can’t put a roof over my head at the moment, so in turn they move down the daily list. They are the only things I truly enjoy. I don’t want to get up in the morning anymore and wish for what I don’t have or curse the things I do to get by.
Someone great once told me, “Ang you’re not as stupid as you let people think”.
A man all athletes love and respect has my answer, “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying again.” –Michael Jordan
I guess I’ve known the answer all along and just keep waiting for my time to shine. I am on the verge of finding a rhythm, a schedule.
I have and will continue to fail at things through life but you can bet tomorrow will come and I will fight another day!